The Waiting Game and Other Irrational Annoyances

Let me qualify this post by stating that I am a hypochondriac. As a young girl my favorite books to read were the one's where the heroine was battling some life threatening illness that she bravely, yet painfully succumbed to. I am darker than some might think. After a good sob over the loss, I would come to the belief that I was dying of the same ailment. Cancer, a weak heart, consumption. Yes I've had them all in my head. And, like the heroines of those books, I held my head up bravely and told no one, while I suffered in silence until my next imaginary disease. I am sure this delusion was coupled by the fact that as I was growing up, my father has battled through a number of very real and very serious ailments that colored my childhood with words only a pharmacist should know.

Anyhow, I am late. Going on three weeks now. Much like Aillyn and Brian, Scott and I have wanted to wait to conceive. We liked the idea of having the freedom to travel or be spontaneous, and we are firm believers of bringing kids into the world only when we have the stability and financial means to take care of them. Unlike Ailyn, everyone in the known universe is cheering for our conception and quick. Probably because I am the anti-woman. I like my career and relative freedom. Or maybe because contrary to my Facebook page, I am older than I look. I do not dislike children, in fact, I have a knack with them, and lately the idea has been on my mind-- abstract  and of the future, but in it no less.

So of course the first thought when your this late might be, "I must be pregnant." Despite our careful practices, the idea did cross my mind. Yes I know you can miss a period because of stress (and I have had my fair share) and diet change (Did I mention I am three weeks into being a pescetarian), and hormone shifts (Guess that is what they mean by the tofu estrogen connection). It can also mean cancer. My mind is trying to wrap around all possible notions of what can be causing my delay and not wanting to face the more devastating options... Well I peed on the stick today and it was negative. This means I should go to the doctor I suppose. My husband always has to fight me to go. Even when I caught H1N1 I fought tooth and nail to stay home-- made myself better off raw garlic, ginger, and cayenne pepper. Think that will work for this too? Perhaps I just don't want them to confirm the worst case scenario I am already playing out in my head. Anyhow, I gave myself a deadline. If my period does not come by xx date and I am still "not pregnant" I have to bite the bullet. I hate bullets.

Speaking of bullets. Adding to this stress. Someone posted this picture on Facebook and I was livid. One because I am a pacifist, and two because I don't care what your opinions or beliefs are, you should never exploit someone else to prove your point.

So the hubby and I ended up in a big argument over this, since he is a gun enthusiast and I, well, I am still on the fence. However, what got my blood boiling was that he (and the person who posted this) could not see what I found so offensive. No, I have no problem with you using guns to protect your own home, responsibly. I do, however, take huge offense to offering up one's neighbor as prey. This sign basically says, "please attack my neighbor, don't worry. I got your back." I was incensed. I told the hubby, what makes this different than our neighbor saying "There is a fancy sports car in the garage, here's the combination, no I won't call the police."

The argument was heated. Hubby is always surprised on what strange things bring out the passionate advocate in me. Eventually I calmed down, and he assured me that he loves me for how "Good" I am. I figure I am here to balance him out. :P

-K