The Shoe String Budget Bride

No one ever prepared me for how expensive weddings were. Since I was atypical and not the wedding dreamer type, I had never done research into the subject until I was engaged. The truth is, I used to believe spending $10,000 on a one day even was only for those willing to go over the top. Thanks to my naivete, I was probably more insensitive than I should be to friends and acquaintances who were heading to the alter. I will admit, I was offended by weddings I wasn't invited to, and have, on at least one occasion, RSVP'd and failed to show.

Of course I sent a present, but now I know that that simply is not enough.

The average wedding in Southern California today is $26,000.

At that rate you might never get married. In the peak of a recession who has that kind of money to spend frivolously? I mean, I'm still hiding under rocks from my student loan debt.

This being the case, the Mr. and I tried to be as practical as possible about our decision for a wedding. We wanted to keep a budget that we would be able to pay for out right rather than pay off for years to come. We didn't have family money to fall back on, so we had to plan a wedding without our heads in the clouds.

Of course, I am also a princess.

I refused to look back on our wedding with regrets of "Oh I wish we did something nice" as I looked at the crayola drawn photographs of the Little Cesar's Pizza and Entemans cake we might have served.   Overkill? Yeah, probably.

I'm sure you could throw a wedding for cheaper than we did, and if you can and are content to do so, Awesome! I would love to hear your story or advice for other brides.In fact, had we done a cruise wedding like we initially planned, we could have gotten by with about $2000 cheaper, but also would have had less guests.  I am fairly proud of what we made possible with our bitty budget.

The magic number was $6500. It was to include clothes, food, lodging, decoration, drinks, and any other expense for the day sans my engagement ring. It was a number that had me and the hubby setting aside between $500-$700 a month without drastically hurting our lifestyle or running up our credit cards.

We did a lot of things ourselves. I still scoured the bridal blogs for ideas, and when I came accross something I loved, I researched how to make it happen for less.
 
We ended up having a stunning 4th of July wedding for 100 guests, complete with a full meal, harpist, a designer gown (never worn), custom cake, and lodging for immediate family and wedding party (25 people) for 4 days at a beautiful bed and breakfast. The moral is: With perseverance anything can be done.

Finding the perfect location was a priority. The view from the reception site.

So here are my rules for getting the most bang for your buck in no particular order:

1. Be honest with yourself. If you have to have something, make sure you set a budget than can accommodate it. If you can't afford it, be honest with yourself with what you can afford.

2. Prioritize. Location was key for us. I wanted a location that spoke to who we were as a couple, and I wanted that location to include at least an overnight stay for us and our parents. It was important to me that I found a place that would allow us to treat our families to the comfort they deserved. I set aside nearly half my budget for this and providing our family with their getaway. So (back to point 1) I knew the remainder of my wedding could cost no more than $3500 and had to be honest with myself about what was still doable at that point.

Our unity sand was found on Ebay for half the price it was on Etsy.

Our Amazing Harpist

3. Be honest with your vendors. I would walk into a meeting with a vendor with my absolute budget range for their services. If they couldn't meet it or work with me, I knew I had to walk away. The truth is that sometimes explaining your situation makes vendors willing to work with you. We were blessed with a phenomenal baker, photographer, and musician because we were open and honest and gave them reason to want to work with us. I actually asked our photographer to keep me on standby, if she didn't find a better paying gig 3 weeks before hand, would she consider working with us under budget. She agreed and was probably one of the best things about my wedding.

My hundred dollar dress and the homemade wood and brooch bouquet.

4.  Ebay is your friend. I don't know why no one remembers this for your wedding. Ebay is filled with brides who have left over decor and favors at a fraction of the cost. More amazing-- if you know your size and the styles/designers you like, many bridal shops that close offer their inventory here at a fraction of the cost. I was able to score a $1400 Maggie Sottero for $100 that I wore on my wedding day. Because I hadn't realized how easy it was to win a designer dress this way, I also bid on 4 more $1000+ Watters dresses and won them for even less. Later in the blog we will be raffling off these new designer dresses to lucky blog readers.

5. Etsy may be your enemy. Do your research sometimes you can find the same items there for half the price on Amazon. Some deals are good here. Mainly, Etsy is good for DIY ideas which leads us to...

6. When in doubt, do it yourself. There are plenty of online tutorials that will assist in your decorating needs. Sites like the dollar tree and save-oncrafts.com can truly be lifesavers.

7. Ask for help. You never know who knows someone who knows someone or who has special hidden talents they are willing to donate. We had DJ and Videographer on donated time.

8. A little creativity goes a long way. For the creative types: Florists, Bakers, photographers-- Allowing them some creative freedom allows them to get excited about your wedding. You will find they are much more willing to work with you upgrading your package for free even, if you give them a project they can get excited about. For example. Our baker loved the cake idea and upgraded the cake in order to execute it for her portfolio. Think creatively about your personal choices as well. Do you need to have your reception in a Hall? Or would a Coffee shop be more fun? Creative decisions can save big $$$$.

9. No one is superwoman. Forgive yourself for moments that you are overwhelmed. Its unfortunate that it happens, but it happens to us all.  Remember a wedding is about both you and the hubby, so when you feel you have too much on your plate, don't feel guilty sharing the burden.

10. You don't have to say yes. If you have any doubt, either because of cost or simply because of a bad feeling about any of your vendors, it is your right to walk away. There will always be other photographers, bakers, and locations.  You need to feel comfortable with your choices in order to truly enjoy your wedding.

11. Stay true to you. Everyone in the world will tell you what your wedding should be. Most of them are wrong. Your wedding is about you and your love. Celebrate that however you want. Regardless if you spend $50 or  $50,000, your wedding will be beautiful because it is a reflection of you.


xoxo!
Kristy Winter

Are We Really Married?

As a little girl (or boy) you might dream of the elements that make a perfect wedding and a perfect marriage... Or maybe you didn't. Maybe you only imagined what it would be like once you had the ring on your finger. I think I fell into the latter category.

To be honest, I never really pictured myself married. It wasn't that I didn't believe in marriage. Its just that I had always assumed myself too complicated to keep someone else content. I'm not sure if that sounds like low self worth? It isn't. I just always knew that I would follow my dreams and pursue my career. In my mind, married women tended houses and were contented simply being a wife or a mother. These were many of the married friends I saw. Those who went to college to get their MRS. degree and then fell off the planet. They didn't pursue their careers or follow their dreams, because who would put up with that?  Or maybe it was because being married--being a wife and mother was what their dreams amounted to. I always saw myself traveling the world, making movies, writing books, and adopting kids.

I won't say that this changed when I met my husband, but I will say that I found my best friend. S. was someone who loved me for having dreams and being complicated. He was someone who supported my goals, appreciated  my craziness, and encouraged me to run headlong into the future. For six years we made an incredible partnership. Supporting each other, balancing each other, and creating a strong foundation for a future together.

I won't lie, after 7 years together everyone around you gets antsy for marriage. Not just you two as a couple, but every mother, father aunt, boss, teacher, friend, etc who has been beside you through the relationship. After our first year together, we were committed. I had a promise ring which came with the notion that once we finished school, paid our debts, and had the means for a future, we would make our commitment official. That was good enough for us, but it really bothered our family.  Marriage in many ways becomes about the people around you. It weird how people want to dictate other's lives and relationships. I am sure it is because they feel they are looking out for your best interest. The truth is that these proddings do more damage to a relationship than benefit. They make you doubt what you are personally sure of.

That girl who believed she was too complicated to settle down crept back into my mind after I had finished grad school and was finding my footing as an adult not as sure as I had imagined it would be as a child...And that is the moment he decided to propose. Life doesn't happen on any particular time frame. It doesn't happen while you are simply waiting for it to occur.

We planned our wedding in 9 months and it wasn't the lace and frills you might imagine it would be. But it wasn't cool-aid and a second hand gown. It wasn't what we planned, it wasn't what we dreamed of, yet it was almost perfect for us. Planning a wedding is complicated, and I will get into that in another post.

I am really lucky to have married my best friend. I'm lucky to find someone who supports my craziness and my goals. I married the genuinely nicest guy I know.

There were plenty of bumps in the road along the way-- I think that is the nature of the beast. Nevertheless, everything passed by in a blur.

My mother took home the paperwork from our minister. I've never seen our wedding certificate. For all I know, we may not even be married yet... After 7 years together and 3 months of (hopefully) marriage, we are leaving on our honeymoon... finally. Afterwards we'll swing by the records office and see if we can pick up a copy of our certificate and change my name to Mrs. Mr. Or maybe we'll find out we aren't actually married. Then we can plan our elopement that we might have had if it wasn't for everyone else. :P

Did you picture your wedding before you found your significant other? If so how much did it live up to your imagination?