Baby Craze

My biological clock must be ticking... Or maybe its my accomplishment clock. Lately I have been enveloped in a wave of envy for the things I don't have and wondering if I will ever acquire them and how they would change my life.

The top two on this list are a home and a baby. Weird. Very weird. The desire itself is disconcerting. I cannot seem to shake the oddness of suddenly wanting things that I cannot recall actually clamoring for. I wonder what part of it has to do with me and what part of it is a reflection of what people keep telling me I SHOULD want.

I've been noticing women with children much more than I ever have and finding myself at once wanting them and not wanting them. Logically I know having a child will slow down the momentum of my career. Illogically, I am almost desperate to have one because I assume (and this has absolutely no basis) that I am either infertile or soon will be.  I have no clue what would make me assume that, but the assumption draws me closer and closer to wanting to try to have a baby. Further, going to a doctor to test my fertility is irrational because if I do so and find I am fertile and have a few more child bearing years in me, I will likely not want to have a child for a few years. What is this insanity?

The desire for a home is less insane, but also a bit crazy when I factor in where I see myself five years down the line or even where I see myself in a perfect world. The answer is a resounding not here. Yet I am craving a place of my own that I can lay roots in. Yet if I am rooted, how likely and willing will I be to leave if the opportunity arises? I'm not sure, and if I am not completely in love with the options I have, then why would I be striving for a sense of permanency? At least this insanity I can justify with the idea of it being a good investment.

Or maybe I am simply losing my mind.