And isn't it romantic...?

Most days marriage is a routine. When you are connecting and communicating, sure its a blessing, but when you're living your day to day life buried in stress and responsibility and obligations, sometimes it is easier to go through the motions than simply appreciate each moment.

I mean, think about it: You wake up, maybe take a beat to say good morning if you're on a similar schedule, but otherwise its more of a rush through the shower, shove in some breakfast, and bolt out the door. Then, you spend 8 hours on average focused on the highs and lows of a work day. Sometime this time apart is much longer. I know when I am working a film, my eight hour days stretch into12-14 hour ones. If you are lucky you are back home by seven...exhausted. What's for dinner? I need to unwind. Is it really that late? Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Some weeks its easy to lose the romance. Any adult knows that love and romance are two separate worlds. While its amazing when those worlds collide, the active effort to make that happen dwindles once the honeymoon is over.

What is a relationship, but work. Yes. Work. Working at connecting. Working at growing together. Working at appreciating one and other.

I think marriages that fall apart are the ones that fail to understand this concept and prioritize their lives around it. Lets be honest, if you stopped working at your job you'd get fired. If you forgot to care for your plants they'd die. The same is true of your relationships.

My husband and I like to write each other love texts throughout the week. A reminder that when we finally get to go home and unwind, that there will be someone warm to unwind with. We've made morning kickboxing part of our routine together. We sing each other silly songs. We make a point to shower together at least once a week (TMI I'm sure). We constantly work at our togetherness.

I've been thinking about our wedding song. Its been playing in my head this week. (Death Cab for Cutie's "I'll Follow you into the Dark). I'm thinking a lot about the lyrics lately and I know that whatever may come, my hubby and I will face it hand in hand. Perhaps romance isn't about the grand gestures, but rather about the quiet moments of stillness together after the hard work is done.

A Love Letter to My Husband

Its so funny that I am considered by those closest to me an extremely romantic person, mingled with being outgoing, and a decent writer, most people expected me to write my own vows at our wedding. We didn't. There is something to be said for the traditional promises to love and cherish. Something powerful in knowing the words you say have been said by billions of lovers throughout history. Its almost as though your vow is timeless. This is, I know, the romantic view of things. Another truth may be that I am intensely private about the things that matter most. I was raised to keep my personal life more personal because making something public somehow devalued it.

Yet, even with this privacy concept ingrained in my personal culture, I often wonder if it is fair to keep my affection for my husband to myself? If it is in this private nature of the more intimate details of our relationship that people have cause for pause to question or doubt... Or, as mentioned in a previous post, feel they still have a shot with me.

We are long past the honeymoon stage. 8 years together can do that to you. Still, it isn't that the romance isn't there, its more that what romance is there is so comfortable, that there is less reason to note it.

My husband is my best friend. He is the first person I run to confide in. He is my first choice companion on every adventure I embark on. He is the place I run to when I need comfort or courage or confidence... or advice. I love that he challenges me, yet he is also the kindest person I know, with a remarkable knack for calming me. He offers me inspiration, one of the only people I can talk to for hours without growing bored or distracted...unless he is talking about cars, but I am used to that. He is also adorable, with the most peaceful green eyes where I can get lost. I love that every time he stirs in his sleep, only half awake, he reaches for whatever part of me happens to be nearest to him, to kiss before settling back into sleep. I love how when he wakes up in the morning, the first thing he does is look for me and when he finds me (often buried under a million pillows) he smiles a sleepy contented smile. I love how we take care of each other and understand each other in an almost effortless way that only comes from deep companionship. I love his patience and his generosity, not just with me but with everyone we meet. I love that he loves me for all my faults and finds me beautiful no matter how I look that day. I know that I shine more brightly because of the warmth he shares with me. I hope that every day I offer him as much as he gives to me.