Are We Really Married?

As a little girl (or boy) you might dream of the elements that make a perfect wedding and a perfect marriage... Or maybe you didn't. Maybe you only imagined what it would be like once you had the ring on your finger. I think I fell into the latter category.

To be honest, I never really pictured myself married. It wasn't that I didn't believe in marriage. Its just that I had always assumed myself too complicated to keep someone else content. I'm not sure if that sounds like low self worth? It isn't. I just always knew that I would follow my dreams and pursue my career. In my mind, married women tended houses and were contented simply being a wife or a mother. These were many of the married friends I saw. Those who went to college to get their MRS. degree and then fell off the planet. They didn't pursue their careers or follow their dreams, because who would put up with that?  Or maybe it was because being married--being a wife and mother was what their dreams amounted to. I always saw myself traveling the world, making movies, writing books, and adopting kids.

I won't say that this changed when I met my husband, but I will say that I found my best friend. S. was someone who loved me for having dreams and being complicated. He was someone who supported my goals, appreciated  my craziness, and encouraged me to run headlong into the future. For six years we made an incredible partnership. Supporting each other, balancing each other, and creating a strong foundation for a future together.

I won't lie, after 7 years together everyone around you gets antsy for marriage. Not just you two as a couple, but every mother, father aunt, boss, teacher, friend, etc who has been beside you through the relationship. After our first year together, we were committed. I had a promise ring which came with the notion that once we finished school, paid our debts, and had the means for a future, we would make our commitment official. That was good enough for us, but it really bothered our family.  Marriage in many ways becomes about the people around you. It weird how people want to dictate other's lives and relationships. I am sure it is because they feel they are looking out for your best interest. The truth is that these proddings do more damage to a relationship than benefit. They make you doubt what you are personally sure of.

That girl who believed she was too complicated to settle down crept back into my mind after I had finished grad school and was finding my footing as an adult not as sure as I had imagined it would be as a child...And that is the moment he decided to propose. Life doesn't happen on any particular time frame. It doesn't happen while you are simply waiting for it to occur.

We planned our wedding in 9 months and it wasn't the lace and frills you might imagine it would be. But it wasn't cool-aid and a second hand gown. It wasn't what we planned, it wasn't what we dreamed of, yet it was almost perfect for us. Planning a wedding is complicated, and I will get into that in another post.

I am really lucky to have married my best friend. I'm lucky to find someone who supports my craziness and my goals. I married the genuinely nicest guy I know.

There were plenty of bumps in the road along the way-- I think that is the nature of the beast. Nevertheless, everything passed by in a blur.

My mother took home the paperwork from our minister. I've never seen our wedding certificate. For all I know, we may not even be married yet... After 7 years together and 3 months of (hopefully) marriage, we are leaving on our honeymoon... finally. Afterwards we'll swing by the records office and see if we can pick up a copy of our certificate and change my name to Mrs. Mr. Or maybe we'll find out we aren't actually married. Then we can plan our elopement that we might have had if it wasn't for everyone else. :P

Did you picture your wedding before you found your significant other? If so how much did it live up to your imagination?

Marriage Certificate

We got a letter from the courthouse saying they haven't received our license yet and our 90 days is almost up.(You have 90 days from when you filed to have a ceremony and sign the certificate.)  I would call but I imagine it is like calling the DMV, a lot of waiting to be told "you need to talk to someone else".  So, I just went down to the courthouse and stood in line.  Forty minutes later, she tells me they received it but are still processing it.  My husband has been so worried about it, more than I was.  I figured it would be 6-8 weeks before we ever saw it.  He reminded me the other day that it has been a month!  Feels like it was a couple weeks.  I have changed my name on my resume but am still getting paid under my maiden name.  So I live in "limbo" until I get that certificate.  I hope we get it by the end of the year if only for tax reasons.  But that would make life easy, so probably not gonna happen.

I...I mean "We"

I swore at a young age I would never get married.  I thought boys were gross as a kid and then I became a feminist as a teenager.  Every date I went on I thought "how could these idiots (men) rule the world?"  Since men were people I did not respect very much, I decided to make my own fate and go it alone.  But the "dream" man always remained, even though it was far fetched and in no way existed in reality.  The beacon of hope never died even after the 50th horrible first date I went on!

I knew the day I met my husband that he was someone very special.  I didn't want to loose my identity as a independent spirit.  He explained our marriage would mean we would always be a family.  I wanted to build my business and keep my career.  He said he can work from home and take care of the house.  Every "negative" I could think of he would give me two positives.  The only one he didn't use that I can say now is that marriage is FUN!  I do feel very lucky and fortunate to be on this adventure together.

Tying up loose ends after the wedding, my husband said "it's under your name you might have to call."  To which I replied, "You can speak for me now, honey and I can speak for you too."  That is going to take some getting use to, but it's great to know we are equal on this.  Next step is to add his name to all my accounts, I will add my name to his once I get the Marriage Certificate back with my new name!