Promises Promises

I've been annoyed with my husband lately, and for little fault of his own. I mean, I knew exactly who I married before I walked down the aisle. But that doesn't stop me from expecting more sometimes and sometimes I genuinely get it and he genuinely tries. Other times its a comedy of errors.

In our relationship, I tend to be the driving force. I tend to make the major decisions. I tend to research our potential moves, my husband is the spotter. He works to keep me balanced and grounded and from getting overwhelmed, which I do, often.  We've been playing these roles together for nearly 8 years now. And while some people might be happy to always take the reigns,  it is more exhausting than one might imagine.

Lately I've been really exhausted. Work has  been a roller coaster and life has been running a similar course. Sometimes I just need my hubby to be a bit more proactive than what comes naturally to him. I had been worn so thin that I begged S. to do anything to take me out of this environment for a day or two so I could unwind and relax and actually have a little fun.

For the past month or so, hubby has promised to do something special for me. To take me out somewhere away from work and family stress and away from obligations to anyone but each other. This sounded wonderful  and necessary,  each weekend I would eagerly await the execution of said promise.  I would wake up early excited and Hubs would "take care of business" around the house. Then he'd get distracted. Then about 3 or 4 pm he'd ask if I wanted to do something because he has a few ideas.... Ideas are not execution. And after waking up only to find nothing was planned, by 3pm I was tired and grumpy. I apparently have an expiration point for plans being executed. Things went on like this for about 4 weekends. At best, we settled on dinner out and a walk at our local beach. Which is nice, but not special or interesting and was certainly not planned. You see, whenever we planned a real daytrip or vacation or event, the planning always fell on my lap.  When Hubs plans, he second guesses himself until its too late to do anything really special and we end up back in the mundane.

A few weeks ago Ailyn wrote about the necessity of date nights. I wholeheartedly agree. The biggest problem with marriage is that people become too distracted to take care of themselves. And outside parties assume you have all the time in the world to be together, that you might as well be obligated to them too. We have spent nearly 40 of the last 52 weekends at friends or family or working overtime. Oftentimes, we were guilted into events when we'd have much rather spent quiet time together enjoying being married. So taking time out to take care of us was vital to the survival and health of our relationship. Sadly, we were failing at this and it was making me stir crazy.

The funny thing about being irritated with your significant other is that sometimes it boils down to a failure to be clear in what your expectations are. Communication. I tend to be a fixer. If things are not going perfectly I fix them by taking over and doing them myself. Its something I am working on for my sake and the sakes of those around me. The truth was I needed to spell out what I needed from hubby so that he was confident in his planning. I would have been ecstatic with anything he planned so long as he followed through. House chores will wait, the internet will be there when we get back, failing to adequately communicate and spend significant time together only hurts ourselves.  I finally communicated to him how I felt, when my internal alarm clock expired, and how desperately I needed time for us. He eventually got it right.

More on that in another post.

K