Falling in the Toilet at 1 in the Morning

When you think of married couples (or cohabiting couples) what is the most stereotypical and common quarrel that comes to mind? Well for me it's either "Why are your dirty socks on the living room floor?" or a variation of it. A day before my mom's birthday, which was a few weeks ago, Brian and I got in our first brawl as a married couple. After a day of being lazy I looked around our apartment and felt I was in the middle of a hoarders episode. The dishes in the sink were piled high, the dirty clothes were brimming outside of their hampers, each visible counter was cluttered with papers, cups or some type of electronics, and it all made me feel as if I were going insane. It takes pure unadulterated avoidance behavior to let your living quarters get to that point, so I got up and started cleaning one thing at a time. My hubby was busy helping me with my mom's gift so I stayed quiet when he didn't get up to help me around the house, which was only fair, BUT it made me start thinking of other times I felt that I was doing more of the household chores, how many times I was the one to initiate the cleaning and how I felt I was always nagging about something that needed to be done or put away. That's when the resentment started pouring in, and I stayed quiet, letting it simmer within me. It was the wrong thing to do, but I didn't let that stop me. I remembered that time in the middle of the night when half asleep I stumbled into the restroom and I fell into the toilet because someone forgot to leave the toilet seat down. Then there was that time that I excitedly grabbed the fruit snack box in the cabinet only to find that it was empty, but left there, lying about its contents. Oh and that time that I almost stepped on the hand saw left in the office after a hurried DIY project was completed. All things I had asked him to either put down, throw away or put away. So many different little things were rushing through my head and all the while I stayed deathly quiet. After a full night of giving one to two word answers Brian asked what was wrong, and then I broke. I started yelling about how I felt like at times I was acting more like mom than a wife and how I would appreciate some more help. He quietly listened, as he hardly ever yells, and then reminded me that I can do some of the same things I was accusing him of. It hadn't dawned upon me that was ever the case, and I felt a bit embarrassed for not thinking of it. I kept arguing anyway because of the anger that I had held in all day. Since we started this argument as we were about to fall asleep I had to stop myself and at least give him a hug before I fell asleep, even if I was still a bit angry and things felt unresolved. As soon as I did things felt a bit better and lighter. The next day we had a calm conversation about the root of the matter. While I realize these things such as cleaning up and putting things away may seem shallow, it was really the case of treating each other with respect and understanding that both partners need to work in unison in even the most mundane chores. I was reminded that 1) its plain silly to keep these things in and let yourself hold in anger, 2) sometimes we can forget that we ourselves are guilty of the things we accuse others of and 3) be honest about the things that bother you, but of course in a tactful way. As always I will keep learning about myself and about us as a couple. Just thought I would share those little yet very real fights that we all seem to have. One last thing I learned, don't drink 32 ounces of water about an hour before you fall asleep, it helps with the not falling in the toilet dilemma.