It Was Like a Blissful Dream (but Occasionally a Nightmare)

I got engaged in October (2011) on a rainy day in Paris. It was the most surreal and wonderful day of my life up until that point. After sobering up from my engagement haze, and getting back into the grove of work a few weeks later, the dread of planning my own wedding started setting in. Everyone had given me hugs, kisses and huge smiles, but soon after a down pouring of advice and warnings. These included: "You gotta get that dress NOW..its literally takes months to make!", "Venue first, venue first!", "What's your budget?" and "You know some people just won't show up". I bit my fingernails and opened my laptop, doing the one thing I knew how to do...excel spreadsheets and word documents.

The way I dealt with my party planning, because really that's what the wedding becomes (the biggest party you'll ever throw unless you elope), was to methodically organize it one step at a time. I used Google Drive to set up folders for cake, flowers, dresses, venues, budget and more. I researched questions and yelped/project wedding'd the hell out vendors. 'Here comes the guide' was my best friend for a few months towards the beginning, but we fell out of touch as time went on. Spurts of energy would be spent on finding a vendor and then I would procrastinate, kind of like interval training. Before I knew it I had 4 months until I was to be married.

When those 4 months hit I had many of the big items checked off my list but many small things hadn't even been looked at. During this time I have to admit I had my days where I was a little devil and I'm surprised my husband didn't tell me to "Chill the f*ck out" Jules Winnfield Style. I regret having my tantrums because it really took away from the experience and the meaning of our day. To my husband's credit, and speaking to his good nature, he calmed me down and we got through each step together. After admitting that I felt I was doing all the heavy loading he took responsibility for photographer, cake, video and he gave even more great input.

 Not all things during the planning were stressful, in fact there were quite a few things that were extremely fun and interesting. We enjoyed making our own favors, invitations, gift card holder and signs. We especially enjoyed the cake tasting, and once we choose our cake/cupcake vendor we made multiple stops, you know for quality control. Our photographer was also a lot of fun to meet and we loved looking at our engagement pictures when they came in, as they made us excited for our actual wedding photos.

The birdhouse/gift card holder we made.

Finally the day had come upon us, September 30th (almost a full year after the date of the proposal), and the night before I had one of my worst nights ever. My sister came over to my hotel room for a sleepover and it made me really happy because it felt like when we were 10 and sharing a room together, when things felt simple. I really needed simple because my nerves were frayed and I kept staring at my schedule for the big day, over and over. That night I couldn't fall asleep because my mind wouldn't turn off and when I finally did fall asleep I woke up only a few hours later to my whole left arm going numb, and I kept closing my eyes having visions that I was getting married without my arms. A close friend of mine told me I probably was having a panic attack, and I really don't know but it was terrifying.

As the day started with my hair and makeup, everything started going in fast forward. One minute I was in my hotel running around looking for my bracelet, the next second I was slipping on my dress and then all of a sudden I heard my entrance song. Though time really did stop when I looked up and saw Brian and he mouthed "Oh My Gosh" and started crying, it was my favorite part of the day and that sounds odd because he was crying, but I stand by it.

The rest of the day went like clockwork, and I think I just got really lucky. Only one person decided not to show up and no one ended up showing up late even though it was supposed to be Carmageddon 2. My mind felt like a well tuned timepiece counting down everything until our last dance which I relished because the song was beautiful and I let myself be in the moment.

If I had to give one piece of advice on what to do for your wedding it would be what many people told me, and something I didn't heed very well, and that is to really enjoy yourself and be in the moment. I was so wrapped up in details and coordination that it was hard to unwind. I'm sure no one will remember the napkin colors, if you had Peonies or not, or if your bridesmaids wore matching shoes. They will however remember the overall feelings and imprint of the day, and if you are happy and truly in love, then I believe they will have a great time.  The day after the wedding I remember thinking of our vows, the speeches and little beautiful scenes at the wedding and I started to cry.

Reciting our vows we wrote ourselves.

I finally let myself soak in all that emotion and love and I cried happy tears. Cheesy I know, but true.

End of the night.